January 2010
70 posts
1 tag
and you were there
and I was every question that never had an answer. (I see right through you)
December 2009
44 posts
1 tag
this artificial milestone
we all stand around, counting down the minutes until everything is supposed to change. as if this man made calendar could predict phases in life. as if anything is going to change. we use time as an excuse to resolve to improve ourselves, to make our lives better. how sad that we need an external motivator. maybe what we should really resolve is to constantly be evaluating ourselves for faults,...
so why are you quick to kiss?
Snails see the benefits (the beauty) in every inch. So why are you quick to kiss? Baby, maybe I spoke too soon. I’ll touch you once you make the first move.
1 tag
To spend an eternity hovering around...
I feast on the tension. The moment before is the moment I want to live forever, suspend in time and savour. The object of my desire is not you, simply to desire you; I lust after lust alone. Time and time again I pull away, multiplying the anticipation that I crave, the anticipation that destroys you. Addicted to the paradox, wanting more of wanting more, but never allowing more. To relieve the...
How I wish I meant a little more...
…than a symphony of heavy breathing and the friction of hips.
and I fight the urge to explore the vastness of your curves I adore. You know I hate you, “No, I hate you more”. You know I love you, “No, I love you more”
1 tag
You may run your hands down my spine, fingertips across the back of my neck, lips part and press against moist eyelids; but don’t steal this feeling from my soul. You may have best intentions at heart, but they belong to you, and know nothing of the broken girl beside you.
Heavy boots can be felt through all the walls I construct. Move them further away, give more space to live, expand the...
1 tag
hollowed out by those haunting words.
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hollowed out by mother’s sighs.
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I know you wanted to stay.
things are the way they are because of the way they came to be and the way they came to be was because of the way things were and the way things were came to be because of the way things were and the way things were started when things came to be whenever the things began and thats when things came to be the way they are and the way they are will be the reason for the way things will be and we are...
1 tag
comfort is the greatest enemy.
destroy fear, before it gains control. no freedom with fear, no me without freedom. (we can’t do this alone) expectations draw lines, lines separate, separation causes distance, distances causes numbness, numbness defeats the purpose of life. (we can’t do this alone) analyze, interpret, understand, feel, accept, learn, overcome, advance; repeat. (we can’t do this alone) never...
1 tag
forced to take life one day at a time
with no idea what the future brings. Hovering around in the crossroads, I could turn any way I please.
1 tag
You
you with a capital Y, you know who you are, you know everything. I’ve asked you for a lot over the years, and you keep giving and giving to me. Probably the biggest thing you’ve given to me is peace of mind, taking away that awful feeling in the pit of my gut, but not too soon, not before I can fully understand why its there. I realize that it’s not about bargains, promises, or...
1 tag
you don't know him.
Take away my breath to let me breathe, flood the senses, numb the brain. I’ll stay if you let me leave. Weightlessness that kept me awake all those nights. Acceptance on rooftops, questions on windowsills, reflection on bridges. Didn’t feel his presence for too long, long, longing, longing, longing, longing… I’m starving without You. Reach down, fill me up, make me whole,...
1 tag
I don't want to have to put my choices into little...
(nobody can have me) (nobody can’t have me) (nobody can have me) (nobody can’t have me) (nobody can have me) (nobody can’t have me) (nobody can have me) (nobody can’t have me) (nobody can have me) (nobody can’t have me) (nobody can have me) (nobody can’t have me) (nobody can have me) (nobody can’t have me) (nobody can have me) (nobody can’t have...
1 tag
too much love for just one person
or maybe I just don’t like the boundaries, the titles, the status.
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no right or wrong, only myself or someone else. longing to be the person that I am. longing for that peaceful joy. all I own are my reactions don’t regret, always remember. curiosity. I never imagined it like this. I never imagined someone like you. “It must be complicated before it can be simple” I’m complicating everything. don’t regret, always remember. two...
chapter 12
Colors blind the eye. Sounds deafen the ear. Flavors numb the taste. Thoughts weaken the mind. Desires wither the heart.
1 tag
realizations made today:
1. It needs to happen.
2. It’s going to happen.
the brain works very weird at this hour…
1 tag
pulling away
everyone loves to be desired two steps above acceptance
those seconds when I hover around, still deciding my entire life spent hovering around, still deciding
what I desire is to spend an eternity hovering around
nothing is as good as you think its going to be right before you can have it.
1 tag
can you stand yourself enough to be your own best friend?
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slept...
But my dreams kept me from getting any rest
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Deception vs Force
With deception come the lies, the believing of lies, and the revelation of truth resulting in embarrassment, self guilt, and those walls we all know too well. Those walls that keep us distant and let everyone know we’re “fine”. We’ve all grown so skilled in pretending to be okay (pretending we’re not upset, pretending we’re not doubting our choices and beliefs...
do you come back to me
when everyone else has failed you?
whatever you want, its free
Everything Is Illuminated
is the most beautiful book ever written
“He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man.” Shakespeare’s “Much Ado About Nothing” act II - circa 1599
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ambivalence
How I long for this feeling, the feeling many consider a nuisance would be a savior to my indecisiveness. With ambivalence comes emotions, strong emotions. Being torn versus being numb. Feeling strongly for two paths versus feeling strongly about nothing. Nothing but a lack of understanding with what has overthrown your otherwise predictable actions.
How can you make a decision when you...
more beard love...
fuckyeahbeards:
My beard grows to my toes,
I never wears no clothes,
I wraps my hair
Around my bare,
And down the road I goes.
- Shel Silverstein
do we control our emotions, or do they control us?
I can feel things changing, and I don’t know what to do about it, and I don’t know if they’re going to change back.
rant #4
Its 8:30 am, I’ve been up all night again, and my mind is racing with things that don’t even matter anymore, wont matter in a month when I’m out of here. Things that should’ve been ranted about a long time ago, years ago, I should’ve done more to stop them from happening. I just can’t help but look back and be infuriated about the way mom spent the money in our...
1 tag
the moment before it disappears
Spent all night in one of those conversations you remember. That defining moment in friendships. Opening up and realizing that even the most fucked up story wouldn’t scare them away. We weren’t complaining, we were sharing what we’re most grateful for, the stories that made us into who we are.
This light also casts a shadow.
The contrast between people who know, and people who...
I want an infinitely long blank book and forever.
I have things to say, I just can’t think of them right now.