February 2010
46 posts
1 tag
"I thought I saw you...
in the rusty hook huddled up in a wicker chair I wandered up for a closer look and kissed whoever was sitting there”
-Anon (via Boise Craigslist)
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funer--uh... I meant retirement home...
In the perfectly audible voice our mothers (mother’s mothers?) couldn’t hear, the woman who sits across the table says to me, “you are a good person.” We look around the dining hall, and our eyes share the knowledge that we’ll never let ourselves live long enough to watch ourselves die. Our company doesn’t hear a thing we say, so we repeat, repeat, repeat. Same...
January 2010
70 posts
1 tag
prepare for the flooding of memories, questions of intentions, mistakes worth taking, and that all encompassing feeling that comes with being entirely loved. savor eyes stinging with tears as you finally hear a real representation of the sounds that nursed you to sleep on so many rough nights, and hours of conversation with someone who understands (based on knowledge past the logical mind). all...
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is that your idea of an apology?
because it sounded like some kind of a sick joke.
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Didn't feel his presence
for too long long longing longing longing longing…
I dream of you, the way you look
the beating of love in your heart…
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you are who you think you are
the mirror shows only the reflection of the mind, perceptions deceived by idealized images of self, those sea grey eyes could be any color you wish, if only you grasp the power of manipulations of the senses, just as you smell that sweet perfume whenever you see his smile, it’s only existence is in your mind.
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2010-1-24) →
Manchester Orchestra (58)
Lady GaGa (56)
Polar Bear Club (41)
Between The Buried & Me (24)
Brand New (17)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
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she turned her head and said to me,
admit your secrets to yourself. admit your secrets to yourself. admit your secrets to yourself.
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I called, You answered
and you came to my rescue, and I want to be where you are.
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rip out my entrails
and put them on display, all for them to read and weep. but nobody weeps, nobody even sheds a single tear, for nobody knows what it means.
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"I have failed you in the most profound way.
I am here for you now, but you have made the decision that your friends are your family.
(This is the only way I know how to keep from having my heart completely break in two).”
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Our unspoken agreement to secrecy
has gone too far, for now it is infiltrating the deepest recesses of your mind, and slowly dissolving every memory of the events that demanded its creation (you’re forgetting what you’ve done for me, and what I’ve done for you). Searching for tangible evidence of this pact (digging up old graves), I discover the rotting corpses of the battlefield, their stench perfumed by pretty...
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she is only making games with you she is only making games with you she is only making games with you she is only making games with you she is only making games with you she is only making games with you she is only making games with you
things are going to get real bad real fast
and I’m excited to watch it all burn, and be part of the eventual (unavoidable) revolution.
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When will you come to me?
As a slip of paper, (list of failures, heartbroken poems, bills past due) I am folded and folded and folded. Seven times over and I can be folded no more. Empty eyes sting as I’m dipped in bleach and hung to dry, and for the first time I feel the wind sting my cheeks and think, “this is beautiful.” Taken down from the line, I’m pure white (as a child). The man who saved me...
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I've never seen you like that before.
All is forgiven, much like we all are forgiven, much like the string that’s tied to our waist connecting us to each other. In the bath, late at night, I remembered the butterflies in my stomach, and the boiling acid and lizards stretched out on heavy stones, scales rubbing up against the fleshy pink walls of intestines. Just like the intestines you emptied on the floor, while I stood there...
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I’d like to watch the storm from an overturned jar.
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Its sad, (that it's considered strange)
that I love to wake up in the morning. (I wish everyone could feel this way)
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you are lovely.
I’m happy just being a fish in the half empty cereal bowl of your life.
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2010-1-17) →
Dead Swans (26)
Life in Your Way (16)
Jesu (14)
Genghis Tron (14)
He Is Legend (12)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
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please don't leave
you’re so beautiful.
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we both know
the choice you should have made. (the choice you couldn’t make)
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I'm glad I gave that gift to you (for it was...
i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i...
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This is Important (Part III)
I must break through these blackened walls, somehow. When I am ready, I will listen to the bones in my hand snap and break as I thrust them through the walls, enjoy the tickle of the blood drip from my fingers and down my arms as I claw my way through, pain and the opposite of comfort being the only path to change, the only way to invert my life, to chase down this echoing memory and force it back...
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This is Important (Part II)
Peace? What is that? That word used to mean the world to me, used to define my reality, my happiness, but now its just another word, a filler, no different than “and” or “the”. This echo haunts me. It seems like just another decaying piece of wallpaper in this room and yet when I peel its weary seals I see behind is something beautiful, something I once knew as well as I have come to know death....
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This is Important (Part I)
I feel like I’m dying. I’ve come to know this feeling well. This feeling and I have become close friends, keep your friends close and your enemies closer, this is my closest enemy and my best friend, its familiarity is comfortable enough for me to unknowingly ask it to stay, to bribe it, taunt it, to plead for its return. The feeling of dying is unlike any other, its darkness, the room who’s walls...
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She awoke to the sound
of the buzzing of her phone (signs of friend’s support) and the muted yet still distinguishable voices of the mother who tried to raise her (then couldn’t) (then tried again) (then couldn’t) (is trying again) and her youngest daughter (whom was raised, in turns, by both) speaking harsh words against her.
Her silence is her gift to the mother she loves. Their reversal in roles of...
When you see her smile
don’t look away, it will blind you and fill you with joy.
-DJW
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I'll never know
the simplified truths of your chaotic ramblings, (emotions translated into english so tastefully) and if their soul purpose of creation was to be read. Or are your intentions (as mine) simply to spit out the poison inside? My logical mind is killing my pride. I’ve moved on too, but only at the most shallow layers of mind. Deeper below I still dream of that bed, and your voice is repeating...
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all these words are lies
Their significance is limited to a misguided representation of things that cannot be spoken, and words are nothing but a lyrical tease for a girl left behind in a changing time. What matters the most are the things that cannot be expressed into an imperfect language, for their correct interpretation would destroy their beauty. Those moments without reach of human translation are therefore unable...
YOU MAKE ME WANT TO VOMIT
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I love you
too much, please leave me alone.
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He just keeps talking with nothing to say. Voice becomes white noise, distant and muted, as I’m falling into a sleepless dream. Gaze transfixed on the ceiling, not blinking, but I cannot see what’s in front of me. Blind, deaf, and numb to all present feelings. Falling through layers of my subconscious. I’m starting to slip, alone in my head. My thoughts are with you asleep in my...
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4:513 - The dream of angels dreaming of men
“It was during an afternoon nap that I dreamt of a ladder. Angels were sleepwalking up and down the rungs, their eyes closed, their breath heavy and dull, their wings hanging limp at the sides. I bumped into an old angel as I passed him, waking and startling him. He looked like my grandfather did before he passed away last year, when he would pray each night to die in his sleep. Oh, the...
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Why do I love the way this distance feels?
(what part of my heart enters into your secrets?)
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ruining all your special little moments
you’re sitting there on my back porch in the rain, crying over your favorite song, and I’m just standing around eating cereal so loud you can’t hear over the slurping.
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this is what happens when I hate you
I find it disgusting how you never wash your hair, and leave orange peels beside your bed and eat the same three meals for months on end. And it drives me fucking crazy when you read your favorite books a hundred times over instead of reading new ones, and watch that fucking movie three times a day when you’re sick, what is it again, The Fall? Your driving makes me nauseous, and why the fuck...
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there’s a hole in your dress, from where it wears on your hips there’s a hole in my heart, from where your soul wears against it
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.... and no one ever knew
take off your prison clothes, you’ve been set free. no longer the one you claimed to be. not just patched fabric, but a whole new mentality. It is finished.
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when he doesn't get the reaction he hoped for
repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat
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"Do not let the sun set upon your wrath"
Its okay to be angry, just do it on your own, and leave it in your bed.
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the absence defines us
just as a room is defined by not as the walls around it, but the empty space inside. the voids in our hearts define us as human, and these cannot be filled by humanity (or its creations).
these voids must be filled by something greater than human, something greater than can be defined…
Do you feel lonely?
(all the time?)
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You're confusing the difference between
what you love and what you’ve always loved.
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as I child I wrote
“I’ll be dying young”
just like everyone else
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she was way too young
when she went to way too many shows, and even as we all change, some things stay the same, he sees pieces of who she used to be, and she still hardly sleeps and eats so fast, she’s still the little girl she used to be, when he holds her up to the light he can see through, and she loves to run her fingers through his hair, and he’s making excuses for her… but isn’t that...